Bleater's Blog
  1. The Season Run In
  2. It’s Six Nations Time!
  3. 2024 Has Arrived
  4. It’s Nearly Here…… January
  5. Countdown to Chri….. January!
  6. RWC 2023 - The Final Approaches
  7. Rugby World Cup 2023 Plus
  8. The Rugby World Cup Approaches
  9. The Summer Break
  10. The Final Countdown
  11. The Summer Tours Up Next
  12. Rugby Continues Thankfully
  13. The Six Nations - Happy Days
  14. 2023 Has Arrived
  15. The Halfway Point of the Season
  16. The Season Continues into Autumn
  17. Here we go! A new season
  18. The Twilight Zone
  19. The Season is Nearly Over
  20. The Six Nations and Some
  21. The 6 Nations Begins
  22. 2022 and All THAT!
  23. Christmas is nearly upon us!!
  24. We’re Still Waiting
  25. The Season Progresses
  26. At Last - We are back
  27. The New Season is Nearly Here
  28. Lions Tests are Here!
  29. The Lions Up next
  30. Now It’s Europe
  31. 6 Nations Beckons
  32. 2021 at last! A year of renewed hope!
  33. A New Premiership Season
  34. Still NO Grassroots Rugby!!!!!
  35. It Continues - NO GRASSROOTS RUGBY!!
  36. No End In Sight To The Madness
  37. Autumn Internationals BUT Still NO Crowds
  38. We're Back - In Part At Least
  39. The Restart is Still a Long Way Away
  40. When will we play again?
  41. Time for a beer and a haircut!!
  42. It's easing apparently???!!!
  43. Behind Closed Doors or ...... ??
  44. Lockdown or not to lockdown
  45. The Debate Continues
  46. Yet another new page
  47. The Nightmare Continues - the blog
  48. The Season Grinds to a Halt
  49. The Season Moves On
  50. It's Official - The Drought is Over
  51. 6 Nations Starts
  52. Another New Page - Sorry
  53. 6 Nations Beckons
  54. Welcome To A New Decade
  55. It'll soon be over. Xmas that is
  56. Xmas is Coming
  57. Back to the Grassroots Game
  58. Bleater in Japan
  59. The Grassroots Season Starts
  60. Not Long Now!
  61. Japan Still Beckons
  62. Japan Beckons
  63. Nearly Time To Look Ahead
  64. The Summer Break is Here
  65. The Final Countdown
  66. Yet another section of drivel
  67. The Season Continues for a Little Longer
  68. The 6 Nations Continues
  69. Six Nations and More
  70. It's RWC Year!!
  71. Its Definitely Winter
  72. Winter is here. Brrrr!!!
  73. Its the Autumn, soon to be Winter
  74. We Are Off And Running
  75. The New Season Approaches
  76. Still the Summer Tours Go On
  77. The Summer Internationals Plus, Plus
  78. The Season Climax Approaches
  79. Summer is Coming
  80. Another Section, More Drivel
  81. 2018 Already!!!! It'll soon be Xmas
  82. The Season Approaches the Half Way Point
  83. The Season Takes Shape
  84. The Season Starts
  85. More Pre-Season Build Up
  86. Pre-Season and Other Stuff
  87. The Lions Tested
  88. The Lions Roar
  89. We Are Still Counting Down
  90. It's All About The Lions
  91. The Countdown to Season's End
  92. The Season Continues Apace
  93. It's Time for the 6 Nations
  94. 2017 - Let The Fun Begin
  95. The Big Man Will Be Here Soon
  96. Let's Countdown to You Know What
  97. It's Time For Europe
  98. The Season Is Well Underway
  99. At Last Let The Competition Begin
  100. Not Long to the New Season
  101. Not So Much Rugby Now
  102. Still Plenty of Rugby to Debate
  103. The Summer Break
  104. Here Comes Summer
  105. They Think It's All Over
  106. Jones - A New Era
  107. It Was A Grand Slam!!!!
  108. 6 Nations - A Grand Slam??
  109. Six Nations 2016
  110. A New Captain, A New Start
  111. Welcome to 2016
  112. The Countdown to Christmas
  113. Winter Has Arrived
  114. November Movember
  115. The World Cup Is Over
  116. Rugby World Cup Quarters
  117. Rugby World Cup into the knockout stages
  118. Rugby World Cup Day 9 to Day 24
  119. Rugby World Cup Day 1 to Day 8
  120. Sept 9th to Sept 17th
  121. August 24th to September 7th
  122. August 11th to August 23rd
  123. July 16th to August 9th
  124. July 1st to July 15th
  125. June 17th to June 29th
  126. June 2nd to June 16th
  127. May 19th to June 1st
  128. May 7th to May 17th
  129. April 28th to May 6th
  130. April 22nd to April 27th
  131. April 13th to April 21st
  132. March 13th to Aprill 11th
  133. March 5th to March 12th
Bleater's Blog
  1. The Season Run In
  2. It’s Six Nations Time!
  3. 2024 Has Arrived
  4. It’s Nearly Here…… January
  5. Countdown to Chri….. January!
  6. RWC 2023 - The Final Approaches
  7. Rugby World Cup 2023 Plus
  8. The Rugby World Cup Approaches
  9. The Summer Break
  10. The Final Countdown
  11. The Summer Tours Up Next
  12. Rugby Continues Thankfully
  13. The Six Nations - Happy Days
  14. 2023 Has Arrived
  15. The Halfway Point of the Season
  16. The Season Continues into Autumn
  17. Here we go! A new season
  18. The Twilight Zone
  19. The Season is Nearly Over
  20. The Six Nations and Some
  21. The 6 Nations Begins
  22. 2022 and All THAT!
  23. Christmas is nearly upon us!!
  24. We’re Still Waiting
  25. The Season Progresses
  26. At Last - We are back
  27. The New Season is Nearly Here
  28. Lions Tests are Here!
  29. The Lions Up next
  30. Now It’s Europe
  31. 6 Nations Beckons
  32. 2021 at last! A year of renewed hope!
  33. A New Premiership Season
  34. Still NO Grassroots Rugby!!!!!
  35. It Continues - NO GRASSROOTS RUGBY!!
  36. No End In Sight To The Madness
  37. Autumn Internationals BUT Still NO Crowds
  38. We're Back - In Part At Least
  39. The Restart is Still a Long Way Away
  40. When will we play again?
  41. Time for a beer and a haircut!!
  42. It's easing apparently???!!!
  43. Behind Closed Doors or ...... ??
  44. Lockdown or not to lockdown
  45. The Debate Continues
  46. Yet another new page
  47. The Nightmare Continues - the blog
  48. The Season Grinds to a Halt
  49. The Season Moves On
  50. It's Official - The Drought is Over
  51. 6 Nations Starts
  52. Another New Page - Sorry
  53. 6 Nations Beckons
  54. Welcome To A New Decade
  55. It'll soon be over. Xmas that is
  56. Xmas is Coming
  57. Back to the Grassroots Game
  58. Bleater in Japan
  59. The Grassroots Season Starts
  60. Not Long Now!
  61. Japan Still Beckons
  62. Japan Beckons
  63. Nearly Time To Look Ahead
  64. The Summer Break is Here
  65. The Final Countdown
  66. Yet another section of drivel
  67. The Season Continues for a Little Longer
  68. The 6 Nations Continues
  69. Six Nations and More
  70. It's RWC Year!!
  71. Its Definitely Winter
  72. Winter is here. Brrrr!!!
  73. Its the Autumn, soon to be Winter
  74. We Are Off And Running
  75. The New Season Approaches
  76. Still the Summer Tours Go On
  77. The Summer Internationals Plus, Plus
  78. The Season Climax Approaches
  79. Summer is Coming
  80. Another Section, More Drivel
  81. 2018 Already!!!! It'll soon be Xmas
  82. The Season Approaches the Half Way Point
  83. The Season Takes Shape
  84. The Season Starts
  85. More Pre-Season Build Up
  86. Pre-Season and Other Stuff
  87. The Lions Tested
  88. The Lions Roar
  89. We Are Still Counting Down
  90. It's All About The Lions
  91. The Countdown to Season's End
  92. The Season Continues Apace
  93. It's Time for the 6 Nations
  94. 2017 - Let The Fun Begin
  95. The Big Man Will Be Here Soon
  96. Let's Countdown to You Know What
  97. It's Time For Europe
  98. The Season Is Well Underway
  99. At Last Let The Competition Begin
  100. Not Long to the New Season
  101. Not So Much Rugby Now
  102. Still Plenty of Rugby to Debate
  103. The Summer Break
  104. Here Comes Summer
  105. They Think It's All Over
  106. Jones - A New Era
  107. It Was A Grand Slam!!!!
  108. 6 Nations - A Grand Slam??
  109. Six Nations 2016
  110. A New Captain, A New Start
  111. Welcome to 2016
  112. The Countdown to Christmas
  113. Winter Has Arrived
  114. November Movember
  115. The World Cup Is Over
  116. Rugby World Cup Quarters
  117. Rugby World Cup into the knockout stages
  118. Rugby World Cup Day 9 to Day 24
  119. Rugby World Cup Day 1 to Day 8
  120. Sept 9th to Sept 17th
  121. August 24th to September 7th
  122. August 11th to August 23rd
  123. July 16th to August 9th
  124. July 1st to July 15th
  125. June 17th to June 29th
  126. June 2nd to June 16th
  127. May 19th to June 1st
  128. May 7th to May 17th
  129. April 28th to May 6th
  130. April 22nd to April 27th
  131. April 13th to April 21st
  132. March 13th to Aprill 11th
  133. March 5th to March 12th
Yet another new page
Bleater's Blog 46 of 133

46. Yet another new page


Tuesday 21st April: 09:50

This lockdown thing is getting to me.....

I'm so bored I decided to memorise six pages of the dictionary
I learned next to nothing.....

I bought a self-help DVD the other day. It's called 'How to Handle Disappointment'. When I opened the case, it was empty.

Mrs Bleater said I should stop doing my flamingo impressions. I had to put my foot down.

Moving swiftly on.......

The battle for supremacy at World rugby hots up with Sir Knowitall, via the Daily Fail, endorsing Agustin Pichot. As I said last week I think there is much in Pichot's manifesto to be positive about. We cannot sit here and say 'this is how it has always been done'. That type of thinking will get us nowhere. My biggest concern having read many articles where Pichot explains his vision is the money. There are two aspects to this, the cost of some of his proposals seem ambitiously high, especially in the wake of Covid-19, and the source of the money. The source of the money is also a twofold issue. Firstly and my biggest concern is the oft mentioned private equity source, especially CVC, and secondly the sharing out the riches of the big nations.

CVC. The dilemma here is post Covid-19 the unions, the clubs and everyone else involved in rugby union will be in desperate need of funds. CVC could be seen as a 'white knight' riding over the hill on his charger to save the day. They are not interested in building the game for the games sake they are only interested in making money. The deal struck with Premiership Rugby has in the short term helped the clubs with some of their debts but going forward has given CVC a significant proportion of the club's revenue and an even bigger say in where any future revenue comes from. Not a recipe for growth. Ask those in F1 whether CVC was good for their sport.

The second aspect is one of common sense, and a bit like the dilemma governments have every day. Taxing the rich to pay for the poor. In principle I have no problem with that in rugby and in life but with it comes hurdles. At what point do the rich say enough is enough and why are we bothering. With all respect to Fiji and Tong and Samoa, who have punched way above their weight even with New Zealand and Australia plundering their resources on a regular basis, they will not generate the funds or global awareness to grow the game globally. Where are the big opportunities? In the countries where other sports dominate. It might be the case that the women's game and the shorter formats such as 7s may offer some hope of breaking through but to do so will take a huge investment. That investment will be restricted post Covid-19 and asking the big unions to fund is likely to be met with derision. Don't forget one of the so called big unions, Australia, is on the verge of going bust and the big opportunity, the USA, has all but been wiped out.

Bill Beaumont has come in for some criticism as his candidacy has been endorsed by Fiji which is headed up by Francis Kean. Kean has previously been convicted of manslaughter and currently stands accused of homophobia and discrimination. Obviously none of this is good for Beaumont nor for the game. I do counter this by saying 'I wonder if the Pichot zealots at the Daily Fail would have taken the same stance if Fiji were endorsing "their man" ?'

It is growing increasingly unlikely any summer tours will happen and very unlikely any sport will go ahead any time soon. Japan has seen a resurgence in cases and with the Olympics already postponed summer tours to the 'Land of the Rising Sun' are very unlikely'.

Interesting piece in The Guardian where King Eddie talks about the game not only resetting in how it is run and the finances but how this might affect the playing style of the game. The key tenet of his point is money, or the lack of it, will make squads smaller and therefore players will have to become more multi-skilled. Wingers being versatile enough to play in the back row or back rows being versatile enough to play in the centre or front row players playing anywhere in the front row or even back row. I really like this type of thinking. Why? Simply because for me the next obvious place to go is it could lead to a reduction in the number of subs available on a match day and a reduction in the physical size of the players. If it is ok I am going to leave both those points hanging there so I can expand on them tomorrow. Bleater@crowboroughrugby.com with your views

Having pontificated about Covid-19 yesterday I will other than a plea for guidance give it a miss today. The plea is simple: can you with bigger more finely tuned brains than mine help with the Swedish approach versus ours. Sweden on the face of it seem to have got it right and we are struggling. My good friend O'fez sent me a piece a few weeks ago which I'll revisit but any help will be gratefully received. I'll also welcome a comment from my Bro on how my nephew is coping and the issues he is facing.

The 12th and final double-entendre to close.
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining up shots at the Scottish Open:
'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it himself'

More French lessons to prepare. Must go.

Monday 20th April: 09:50

No sign of an easing of the lockdown restrictions yet. I for one am happy about that but that is a very, very selfish position to take. A) I don't work and B) being a 63 year old man with high blood pressure, somewhat overweight and blood type A+ I tick enough of the 'at risk' boxes for me to be happy with lockdown. For millions of others an easing of lockdown is crucial. Sadly the Government will be damned if they do and damned if they don't.

I think where the Government have failed is they have been too quick to over promise and subsequently all too often under deliver. Let us have more straight talking and honesty and less hope and expectation. I think the spokespeople need to be blunt and say it as it is. That will stop the media driving the narrative thus giving us headlines that serve their purpose rather than keeping us informed.

I stick by my comment of last week that there is a global shortage of PPE and every country, business in a country and even spivs looking to make a buck are chasing whatever stocks there are. What we need are solutions, we know the issues. We also need to understand the background too. We know the 80 tonne shipment has been delayed but why?

Some solution which I am sure are being considered. Up and down the land there are factories lying idle with sewing machines aplenty not being used. Seamstresses used to making shirts or saris or workwear or....... are at home praying for the lockdown to end. Can we get patterns to them and the basic materials and get those Singers singing. Likewise there will be factories making plastic products, lets get them making PPE. Turning production off and on is not easy and it is not quick but if we saw some serious effort being made rather than reading the negative headlines wouldn't that be better. For example a full cargo plane did land yesterday and their consignment is already on its way to the front line. I had to look pretty hard to find that bit of good news.

Finally before moving on and getting off my soap box as I just realised I am as bad as the press can I remind you how the media can sway the story. The 95% target for A&E pre Covid-19. 'Woe is me' the headlines screamed. A&E only seeing 85% of patients within the target. Correct! 15% of those in A&E missed out but why? Was it because they shouldn't have been in A&E in the first place. 85% of people were seen and I bet of those the vast majority had amazing service. Didn't hear too much about that did we? We seem to have forgotten the NHS was AMAZING even before Covid-19 arrived. Why? Because the media didn't want us to know that. It doesn't sell papers!!

Mrs Bleater asked a very good question: what happened to Covid 1 to 18?

Virtually no rugby news so I thought I'd have a stab at a Lions squad
1. Cian Healey. 2. Ken Owens. 3. Kyle Sinckler
4. Alun Wyn Jones (c). 5. Maro Itoje
6. Sam Underhill. 7. Justin Tipuric. 8. Tom Curry
9. Rhys Webb. 10. Finn Russell
12. Jonathan Davies. 13. Robbie Henshaw
11. Liam Williams. 15. Anthony Watson. 14. Josh Adams

The bench
16. Ali Price. 17. Stuart Hogg. 18. Owen Farrell
19. Tadhg Furlong. 20. Jamie George. 21. Rory Sutherland
22. Courtney Lawes. 23. Josh Navidi

Before I go......
A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman: 'Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?'
The barman replies 'It's a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat you get free drinks for the whole night'
'Great' says the man, 'but what if I can't reach them?'
'Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night' the barman answers
'Do you want to try?'
'No'
'Why not?' asks the barman
'The steaks are too high'

That'll do for now, back tomorrow when you'll get the final double-entendre. Bet you can't wait!!!!

Saturday 18th April: 09:30

It would have been our last game of the season today: President's Lunch and Dover. Hey Ho I am going to have to make do with reruns of Lions tests and perhaps Wales v Australia from the recent World Cup.

Apparently some fixtures for next season have been released. Enya Rugby Club are unhappy about their opening games:
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)

There is not much new in the papers but in the light of the crisis World Rugby are going to make £80m available as a relief fund for the beleaguered unions. The 6 Nations and SANZAAR countries will be first in line. The emerging countries have not been ignored. World Rugby are urgently putting options together for the unions to consider, this of course includes a restructured international calendar. That's all fine and dandy but as I have said before the English and French clubs will want a say in any new initiatives if it affects their ability to get back on their feet. There is an argument for ignoring the clubs. Their financial situation could mean their negotiating power is diminished.

I am an arrogant, smug, obnoxious piece of work at times so please ignore my gloating. Even before the virus hit I was saying perhaps we should be cutting the salary cap not increasing it. More and more voices are coming out and saying the temporary 25% cuts to wages should become permanent. "Salaries can't keep growing". "Scrap the second 'marquee' player allowance". If rugby is a business then run it as a business is where some clubs heads are now at. Time will tell.

My good friend Peter K has taken me to task. He has quite rightly pointed out that as part of the resetting of rugby we cannot ignore the potential growth of the women's game and how that could be a significant part of a club's and the games resurgence. If the prediction that 40% of participants in the next few years are women then that point is well made. That said for the smaller clubs with a limited pool to draw from that might be a really tough ask. I do like the idea of club collaboration but only if it is a truly equitable collaboration.

Pete also suggests that travel between the hemispheres in the near future will still be restricted. This means no summer tours and potentially no autumn internationals. A short sharp 6 Nations could be the solution for the autumn. Again my caveat is the clubs input could be problematical but it could also be the case pan-European travel is still restricted unless a vaccine has been developed.

Right now the officials of certain countries e.g. Austria are suggesting the way the UK is handling the crisis makes us the pariah of Europe. Up yours pal. Despite what you say and the likes of Piers Morgan have to say I think the UK is doing things pretty well. I also believe that the holier than thou Germans and certainly the Belgiums are deliberately under reporting cases and deaths. By the way there are positive signs from the US a vaccine or antiviral medicines such as the one from Gilead Sciences is on its way.

Before people whinge about no PPE and poor handling can we stop focussing on the minority and start talking about the majority who have all the kit they need. Can we also mention when we criticise the UK that France's Msr Macron had a stand up row in public about his poor handling of the crisis and the lack of PPE. The case in Italy and Spain and most certainly in the USA is exactly the same. There is a global shortage of PPE, we are all in the same boat.

Before I wrap up can I again applaud the selflessness of many who are helping others in greater need than they are even though they themselves might be in a tough place. At the same time can I say to people like Harry and his publicity hungry wife get off the social media and stop being hypocrites. You wanted a quiet life then stop seeking out every opportunity to be in the public eye. The same goes for the posers and wanabees on Instagram and Facebook. I am not vaguely interested in how you are self isolating and improving your looks. They're photoshopped anyway.

Lets move on.......
11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC 1s UK eclipse coverage remarked:
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts"

Back on Monday. Stay in stay safe.

Friday 17th April: 08:40

There is only one place to start this morning and that is with the "clap for the NHS". It is a great idea and I am delighted that where I live everyone has embraced it. What is BRILLIANT is the short video Shorty has put together for our website. If you haven't seen it please do so. It sums up two things for me, firstly it is important to say thank you for what the key workers are doing for us and secondly what a great club CRFC is. The video captures all that is right with rugby. Well done Shorty, well done Crowborough RFC, well done the NHS and other key workers.

On the point of key workers it is absolutely right that the NHS is front and centre but think also of those working in social care and of course those in food distribution. Yet again the staff in both Lidl and Morrisons were amazing yesterday. Despite the crisis nothing was too much trouble.

The main man of the WRU, Gareth Davies, has in an impassioned plea to those in the game in Wales stated that the time has come to reset the game. The key tenet of his speech was basically the time has come to rethink the paying of players below the Welsh Premiership. Like in England clubs are having to cope with the stupidity of paying players even in the lower reaches of the pyramid system. Clubs are losing their identity in the hope of success whereas others are going to the wall as players follow the money. It is an excellent piece that can be found on the BBC Sports website. I wish him good luck but like in England it will be a tough challenge.

The other story that caught my eye was in The Guardian: "Rugby needs to re-engage with supporters it has taken for granted". There is much in the article about player wage inflation and the mis-management of finances. It also talks about what will be in a very different world post Covid-19 the challenges for sport, especially rugby will be immense. The money from TV and sponsorship will be much harder to come by so where does that leave the supporters. Those who dig deep into their pockets for tickets and shirts and to be ripped off with the price of food and drink. Clubs will need to think very carefully how they treat those supporters (and volunteers) who have made great sacrifices versus the highly paid stars who are whingeing about pay cuts. Fans have been taken for granted and during this time of lockdown many well be re-assessing their priorities: do I really need to renew my season ticket, do I need to buy the latest over-priced replica shirt, is that ticket to watch England worth it against my other needs and so on. A good piece by Paul Rees. Well worth looking at.

The lesser spotted O'Fez was out and about yesterday, in his shorts. I did have to check on the rules about being out and exercising: is it acceptable to scare the young and old with legs like those!! Apparently it is.

Now, I have come in for some criticism about being sexist. My story about Mrs Bleater yesterday was not inclusive enough. Let me put that right........

A man was driving down a narrow, twisty and dangerous country road. As he passed a car coming at speed in the opposite direction he leant out of his window and shouted at the women driver "PIG"

She responded by leaning out of her window and screamed "IDIOT"

A minute later she raced around a blind bend and fatally crashed into a giant pig.

The moral of the story is "why won't women listen?"

Moving very swiftly on I am reading another excellent novel in the Roy Grace series by Peter James. In there is a quote that struck me as being oh so right. "We are all walking on eggshells. Scared of putting a politically incorrect foot wrong. Somewhere along the line in the last decade something called common sense has gone AWOL. Along with the world's sense of humour"

A couple more things to ponder.

The odious Piers Morgan has been given extra slots on his breakfast show. More time to rip into people who without question are doing their best. All he is interested in is his ratings and getting himself in the press. At that he is doing a grand job.

I have in the past criticised Wee Jimmie Sturgeon. Of late she has been very statesmanlike and calm and concise in her message about Covid-19. That said I am sure "normal service" will resume at some point.

We read a lot about how people are struggling with lockdown. Don't underestimate how difficult it is for youngsters. Kids who are missing their friends, the routine of school, the support of teachers, the ability to let off steam outdoors. It is not all about the old folk.

Did you hear about the planning for post Covid-19
The gynaecologists are planning to have a knees up
and
The RNLI are planning to push the boat out

10. Mike Hallet discussing snooker on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets"

Yep, even though it is Saturday I'll be back tomorrow with more gems just like those above.

Thursday 16th April: 09:15

Missing your rugby? Don't make the same mistake I made......

I decided to get into bed on Mrs Bleater's side. As expected she shouted "roll away!"
I then shouted "use it!"
She then said "that's a straight red. You're off!"
I replied "you've got to be joking?"
Her retort was "no, and that is a 6 week ban"
I made the mistake of saying "ok smart arse under what law is that?"
As quick as a flash the answer came back "law 9.28. A player must not disrespect the authority of a match official!"

The moral of the tale is: like the referee the woman in your life is always right (even when she is wrong).

The big rugby headline is Saracens players and some staff have been asked to defer wages with others furloughed. Owen Farrell is rumoured to have deferred £300k until September with others expected to follow suit. This highlights the terrible state the game is in, and sport in general, due to the Covid-19 crisis. This raises an interesting question: how does this impact on any salary cap that might exist in The Championship? If when the new season starts surely the deferred salaries will be make complying with any cap impossible. I am sure there has to be a Fez head out there somewhere who can guide me on this conundrum.

The positive is the players are trying to do the right thing. Not sure deferring is the best option. Surely salary cuts has to be on the cards, not only because of the virus but to make the game sustainable.

I am somewhat disappointed with the players union who continue to whinge on about cuts. Their point is there should have been a unified approach across the professional game. With owners who have egos the size of houses that was never going to happen. Each business has to cut its cloth according to its own needs and situation. The whinging also sounds as if they are opposed to cuts which at this time when others are being thrown to the wolves is a disgrace. I do believe a sliding scale makes some sense. There will be some like Farrell on megabucks and others not on a great deal so cutting the highest earners by the most makes sense.

Coming back to Senor Pichot and his plan for a global calendar. There are ways of making it happen but both North and South will have to make concessions and it could mean more summer rugby in the North. Is that practical for the grassroots game? I'm not sure. Take Steel Cross; the pitches are looking good according the photos I've seen but I am reliably informed the ground is bone breaking hard. Answers on a postcard.

With regard to 12 tests per nation per year that is not impossible as the north already has that: 5 x 6 Nations games, 4 autumn games and a three test summer tour. What is problematical is sharing the spoils and co-ordinating North and South. I still say the northern unions will object and don't underestimate the grizzle factor of the English and French clubs, especially as they will be looking for every penny and cent they can get once the game kicks off again.

I am getting fed up with the negativity of the media. They are only focussing on the bits that are going badly with no praise for any of the amazing work everyone is doing or trying to do. What an amazing achievement by Captain Tom Moore. Absolutely outstanding.

I continue to be dumbfounded by the stupidity of the man who has the title: President of the United States of America. He must have a cabbage for a brain, has the attitude of the school playground bully and the common sense of an ostrich: stick your head in the sand if all else fails. That press conference was one of the most disgraceful, arrogant and misinformed I have ever witnessed. I don't want to put it too bluntly but Trump's approach to Covid-19 is likely to condemn tens of thousands to death with the already downtrodden of America most at risk.

I have a degree of sympathy with his attitude toward the head of the WHO. Having read a number of articles from well respected rather than sensational news sources Trump has a point. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus has been an apologist for China's failings and has therefore exacerbated the problem rather than aiding a solution. Even before this the man had a chequered past so it is no wonder Trump pulled the plug on funding. I think it is wrong as the WHO generally does good work and the cynic in me says this Trump clawing back money to use at home in the US.

Can you believe armed residents of Michigan are protesting about the tyranny of the stay at home policy. Heaven help us. Do all Americans a) have guns and b) have cabbages for brains?

Must go but not before....
9. Claire Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on cold night like this"

Wednesday 15th April: 09:30

Let me start with a double-entendre.........
8. Steve Ryder covering the US masters.....
"Ballesteros felt much better after a 69 yesterday"

Well you would, wouldn't you?

Today's "we are desperate to write anything" headline and therefore winner of stating the bleedin obvious award goes to the Daily Fail.
"Home Nations expected to lose millions if autumn internationals fail to go ahead". Well, I never would have guessed that, nor the fact "it could send rugby union into meltdown".

Moving on.

Agustin Pichot has laid out his vision for the future of the game in his bid to become the top dog at World Rugby. It is laid out in 6 points and I summarise...

Use the Covid-19 crisis to realign the game. Create a "more compelling narrative", whatever that means. Discuss with clubs, unions and private equity with the desire of developing an annual tournament with 12 to 14 tests per nation per year.
GC says that is a lot of tests to fit in and the costs will be horrendous. Will the English and French clubs buy into a tournament that deprives them of their prized assets. Any mention of private equity fills me with dread.

Have a democratic governance structure. Scrap the weighted vote system and have a more balanced revenue sharing scheme.
GC says in principle this makes sense. It seems unfair that visiting sides to the UK only get a fraction of the revenue. That said some of the money paid to the smaller unions never finds its way to the players nor the grassroots. The big unions will always be the big unions.

A growing grassroots and youth game with a focus on developing nations.
GC says "hoorah" to that but focussing on developing nations alone is madness.

A safe and entertaining game including the use of technology
GC says that is all fine and dandy as long as the game is not slowed down anymore than it is. Player safety is paramount. I like the idea of a flagship computer game a la FIFA 19

A players council with players at the heart of decision making - "with discussions about reducing wages to create sustainability"
GC says I am happy with this idea but voting to reduce wages would be like turkeys voting for Christmas.

Have a World Rugby management "fit for purpose"
GC says that should be a given

The Daily Fail seems to be the best place to find the most comprehensive coverage of Pichot's vision. There is much to consider and much to agree with. I worry that too much emphasis is made about money and too many times CVC seems to be the saviour. As a consequence I fear that any new tournament will end up on Amazon prime or Google view or Netflix which inevitably will reduce the TV audience not increase it. I have grave doubts about the international test plan. Costs will be prohibitive, clubs will get in the way, agreeing the calendar will be a big hurdle and so on.

There isn't a lot else to do so bite the bullet and read it for yourself. I would really appreciate your views. bleater@crowboroughrugby.com

The other article to read is by Paul Rees in The Guardian. Why? Simply because "I was right" as it outlines why Richmond's modus operandi is the one all Championship clubs should follow. Players are at the club because they want to be. They have full time jobs and only get genuine expenses and a match fee. Everyone gets the same fee and only if they play on the day. There are no contracts, no negotiations, no hassle. You are a member of Richmond RFC and you are picked on merit, end of. It also goes on to talk about good old fashion values and how when they play Jersey and London Cornish that will be a decent weekend tour for the boys. The closing line is great as it talks about the DoR not having to deal with agents. "There is no need: 10% of not very much is even less". Go Richmond!!

PS Thanks Paddy. You knew I would get one thing right at some point in time!!

By the way there is also reference to the madness of clubs below level 4 paying players and how that madness is exacerbated by the size of the payments.

The last three player positions are here
11. Left wing: lanky speed merchant. Can't catch. Live in a world of their own and always forget one item of kit, often boots

14. Right wing: the only reason he doesn't score 10 tries in every game is because no one can pass. Often a big lad who looks the part and yet never quite has the impact you hope for. Doesn't drink

15. Full back. 90% of them should be shot at dawn for cowardice. Last line of defence my arse. Secretly want to play 10 and buys the skipper lots of pints. Too many hair products but useful source of spare socks and toiletries at away games

That'll do for now, I have a French lesson to prepare and some gardening to do.

Tuesday 14th April: 09:30

It has been a difficult Easter weekend not least because of the mourning of our very good friend John Wilmshurst. I must congratulate Shorty and all those who contributed to the excellent video tribute to him and also mention the huge number of messages of condolences that have flooded in from all quarters. Individuals and clubs alike, clubs such as Sevenoaks, Charlton Park, Burgess Hill, Gravesend, Maidstone and many more, have all been in touch and the theme of the messages: a terrible loss of a true gentleman who was great company, welcoming, kind and thoughtful.

The quality of the man also comes through in the number of people reading the tributes on this website. It has made this the most visited website in the Pitchero rugby universe. Also the local retail consortium have announced a sudden spike in red wine consumption as the number of people who raised a glass at 8pm on Friday (great idea Jacqui) was quite considerable.

John will never be forgotten and I am sure he would want us to carry on. As a consequence I would like to review some of the stories hitting the papers.

As expected Steve Borthwick leaves his role as England's No.2 to King Eddie to become Head Coach at Leicester Tigers. Geordan Murphy will move into the Director of Rugby role. Borthwick will have his hands full. The Tigers have been awful of late and I believe if Saracens weren't in the mire they are due to the salary cap issue and the season had carried on Leicester Tigers would have been at serious risk of relegation.

Johnny May, one of their stars of late is returning to Gloucester. Money, money, money!!! He will leave a sizeable whole but the upside is his departure will free up a lot of money for Tigers to invest elsewhere. His move has also opened up a legal minefield with the lawyers (heaven help us) stating with the uncertainty about if and when the current season will end many players who would be out of contract could be left in limbo.

Wales top players and staff have all agreed a 25% cut in wages to help the regions and the WRU get through this terrible crisis.

The SRU have announced a sliding scale of cuts and deferrals with hundreds of staff being furloughed. Fair enough except that weasel Mark Dodson's cut is still less than the massive increase he recently gave himself.

Hoorah for Jamie Roberts, back in Wales and now volunteering with the NHS and a very special mention for Ireland and Wasps flanker Claire Molloy who is working on the frontline as an A&E doctor.

On that point you can show your support for the NHS by sending ... david@crowboroughrugby.com
a five second video or a photo of you in your kit doing whatever you do to say "thank you" by 11am tomorrow.

Agustin Pichot is set to stand against Bill Beaumont in the upcoming elections for the top job at World Rugby. More on this tomorrow, along with a look at how a unified calendar could work.

England are talking about moving their summer tour to Japan to October, the middle of typhoon season. A lot of water to pass under the bridge before that happens, especially as Bill Sweeney is talking about an autumn full of tests. I bet the clubs will have something to say about that.

Isn't it marvellous that without the planes and the cars everything is so quiet. On Easter Sunday we were lucky enough to sit in our garden with sun beating down on us with the only sound the clinking of our wine glasses and the sounds of the birds in the trees. That said whilst the climate change warriors will be full of joy they cannot ignore the pressure cooker of activity that will explode back into action when this is all over.

The theories about the virus coming from the Chinese military laboratory won't go away and in fact the more you read the more viable they become. People at the same time are questioning the validity of the death toll announced by the Chinese government. Many are saying it is significantly understated. Worryingly despite their optimism having now lifted their lockdown new cases have started to appear. Finally there is a real concern that as China comes out of this first and gets back to work, and if some of the theories about how they have invested in stock markets across the world are true then they now have a plan to dominate the world's economy. This is one theory I am going to explore.

Finally, it remains important to stay home and stay safe. Back tomorrow.

Friday 10th April: 10:24

Everything else I have written today pales into insignificance as the news breaks that our good friend and loyal clubman John Wilmshurst sadly passed away at 8am this morning. John was a wonderful, kind and generous human being who will be sadly missed by all at CRFC, WDC where he worked for many years, by the Friday Club and of course by Maureen, James, Katie and his closest friends & family. The club will simply not be the same.

I have already said I am not blogging now until Tuesday so for me that time will be spent mourning someone who was always helpful and supportive of me at my time as CRFC Chairman and will be greatly missed. Our thoughts and prayers are with Maureen and family at this unbelievably difficult time.

John, rest in peace my friend.

To those reading this PLEASE stay safe, stay in and keep well. Covid-19 has taken one of “ours” and it hurts.

Friday 10th April: 09:45

A very Happy Good Friday to you. Easter, the most important date in the Christian calendar. Even though tomorrow, Easter Sunday and Bank Holiday Monday will be like all the others of late I am taking a few days off from blogging. NO! I am not going to follow the appalling example of Cabinet Minister Robert Jenrick and travel anywhere. I am simply going to recharge the batteries and do some research into new topics for this nonsense. He must be sacked after telling people to stay at home and then swanning off to his holiday retreat, and then on to see his parents. I'd love to jump in my car and go and see my mum who is on her own in Bridgnorth. I won't because that is the right thing to do.

Following the success of the "Clap for the NHS" it has been agreed there will be a round of applause for the men in white vans delivering all those non essential items to homes across the country. Apparently it could be any time between 9am and 5pm tomorrow.

The Guardian have produced an article that reinforces, agrees with, and urges that The RFU use this terrible crisis to reset the game. What was important for me was the quote from London Irish money man Mick Crossan: "Club rugby has to change". He goes on to say "last season cost me £4m and I can't afford that. It's definitely not a sustainable business. We cannot keep relying on rich benefactors. This crisis may actually help club rugby if everyone cuts their cloth to suit their pockets and brings back common sense". I say "hoorah" to that as I have been saying this for more months than I care to remember. I know that sounds arrogant but I am convinced unless something drastic is done our great game top to bottom will implode.

Another of my bête noir is the influx of overseas mercenaries in our game. They come, they play, they take, they go. Hadleigh Parkes has announced he is off to Japan. Whilst he has been a good servant to the Scarlets and has played amazingly well for Wales, as his career potentially begins to plateau and he could be putting something back into the game in Wales he is off. Off to Japan to take advantage of a very lucrative contract. Yes there are many positives that can be associated with Parkes and you cannot blame him for chasing the money. My point however is it highlights the stupidity of the 3 year residency rule. If players want to make money out of the game here in the UK then fine but lets ensure that any enhancements from playing the international game comes only after they have made a much greater contribution to the domestic one.

By the way young Owen Williams is also off to Japan. Williams is a fine Welsh prospect but has been plagued by injury. He is going to Japan for the money, simple as that. It is a shame that he is going and it is a shame that he and all the others will deprive local Japanese players the opportunity to play top flight rugby. Money talks.

Elsewhere, that pain in the butt Piers Morgan has been ranting again. As he has been warned by Ofcom about his contribution to broadcasting he might want to get his own house in order before criticising everyone else.

No matter what your politics wishing someone dead is unacceptable. For very highly paid union leader Steve Hadley, close friend of Corbynov and Loadsa Cash, to say such appalling things about Boris is a disgrace. It is no wonder Labour lost the election when they have people spreading sedition and hate.

I had a nice e:mail from my friend Gordon who wants to send me some stuff for this here blog. He wants to send it via WhatsApp. Gordon, sorry mate but WhatsApp and Instagram are owned by Facebook which for me is what bankers are to Paddy O'Fez. A tax dodging, hypocritical, fake news spreading conglomerate.

That'll do for now except for covering off the centres.
12. Inside centre: often the best player on the pitch as well as the fittest. Limited social skills and terrified of women, until the beer kicks in.

13. Outside centre: does everything the 12 doesn't. Socially active and often juggling multiple women. Has nice car, good job and demanding fitness regime as well as extensive debts and an improbably large porn collection.

Today's double-entendre:
7. Female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob where's the eight inches you promised me last night" (Apparently the show had to be taken off air as the entire production crew fell about laughing)

Today's thought: is it just a coincidence that many online casino sites have upped their advertising presence on TV? Vultures!

Thursday 9th April: 10:00

Let us continue to have those fighting this terrible virus in our thoughts and prayers. Our good friend John W is continuing his fight and with the support of the AMAZING NHS staff we hope he will pull through. Clarky has offered to buy him a glass of wine when he does. That is some incentive in itself. Fingers crossed hey. By the way does the club still accept those white five pound notes.

In other news the economic fallout has started . A local bra shop has gone bust, a mining company has gone under, a manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennels has had to call in the retrievers, an origami book shop has folded, an aerial installation company has called in the receivers, a key company has gone into lockdown, a watchsmith has called time, an Iceland store has had its assets frozen, a shoe factory has been soled and the staff given the boot. More to follow.

I went to the zoo to see the ostriches with their head in the sand. Alongside them was one Darren Childs, the head of PRL. He can be heard between choking on the sand and checking his bank balance saying "the Premiership will finish the season, the Premiership will finish the season". With 9 rounds still remaining and no end to this lockdown in sight I think, along with others, he has gone stark raving mad. This is about one thing and one thing only: money. If he mentions player and staff welfare and doing things safely for the fans etc, etc, etc without mentioning the "M" word then perhaps we should let the lions into the his ostrich enclosure.

Now, it has been pointed out to me that Gordon Taylor has donated upwards of £500,000 to the NHS and other charities. If that is the case then I stand corrected with regard to my comments of yesterday. It also supports my argument that the footballers, and yes Mr O'Fez the bankers, could follow suit.

I received an e:mail that mentions Philip Green. Now unlike some people, I will defend the bankers to a degree, the footballers to a degree, even Darren Childs to a degree but Mr Green and his wife are beyond defending. They strike me as an odious, unsavoury, self-centred and greedy pair of shysters. I would have a wild guess that if there was anyone looking to somehow make a buck or two out of this terrible situation it would be the Greens. Move on. The blood pressure is bad enough as it is.

Today's dilemma: to shop flouters of the guidelines or to stay quiet. I am reliably informed that the Ashdown Forest despite the lockdown is getting busier again and the plethora of high end 4x4s and 4WDs would indicate it is not those in social housing or those with no immediate access to gardens or an open space close by that are flouting the rules. Yes it is probably those who have the biggest houses with the biggest cars and the personalised number plates and the biggest egoes who think they are superior to the rest of us mere mortals who are flouting the rules. I say be like the Stasi and shop them. The trouble is the fine for them is equivalent to the lose change you'll find in the sofa.

Today's thought for the day is: a pessimist is an optimist with experience.

Quick, let's do the rugby players and the description of the half backs
9. Scrum half: Gobby midget who can get himself into trouble marginally faster than he can run away from it. Nothing is his fault. Good drinker

10. Fly half: there are two sorts: running and kicking. Generally they don't know which one they are until its too late. Unusually nice hair and over confident in every situation until it is too late.

and of course the double-entendre
6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on "Time Team Live" said: "You'd eat beaver if you get it!"

Today's Thursday so following government advice the schedule says "wash the cars". I say carefully as we are on a water meter.

Wednesday 8th April: 09:30

Imagine the scene........

"Oh Dahling I am sooo bored with this isolation"
"I am too my sweet rose petal"
"When will it be over my dahling?"
"I don't know but it will be at some point my love"
"Can't we find something to look forward to, please the love of my life"
"I know, dash upstairs to my study and get me the map of the world off my desk"
---------
"Perfect. Now my angel put it on the cork board by the fridge and you can throw a dart at it. Where ever the dart lands I promise my love to whisk you off there for three weeks of holiday wonderfulness"
"Here goes"
----------
Whoosh, thunk
"Bugger, it seems like three weeks behind the fridge my love"

Moving swiftly on.

King Eddie has said by 2023 up to 60% of his squad could be different to what it is now. This is meant to be a warning shot about complacency. If that is what Nostradamus predicts then that will be what happens. After all Eddie knows everything. Not quite because Sir Knowitall is ahead in that race. I say to Eddie: "are you sure this virus thing will be over by then?"

Whilst the idea is driven by money, and now he is back in New Zealand where money in the game is also tight, I still like Warren Gatland's idea of a one off "decider" against the All Blacks before The British & Irish Lions fly out to South Africa.

He has also suggested that if the north's summer tours are called off then could the southern hemisphere teams fly north. This would only work if the nations agreed to share the revenue and it is way too soon to be thinking about this. It would be great if the Autumn internationals happen and it would be excellent if the outstanding 6 Nations games could be fitted in. I personally don't think that will be the case so something will have to give. For what its worth let the 6 Nations go and start afresh in February.

Wayne Pivac has suggested the amazing Alun Wyn Jones could go to the next World Cup. Here's my view.... based on the lack of rugby due to the virus and the hope that rugby can commence again in September I would see Alun Wyn playing in the Autumn Internationals, the 2021 6 Nations and going on to lead the Lions in South Africa. He would comfortably be the most capped player in the world by then so I suggest that would be the moment he retires from the game.

Let's do some catch up on descriptions of players in our great game. The back row....

6. Blindside flanker: proper hard man, can disappear for 80 minutes but emerge holding the opposition 9 by the neck. Never buys a round

7. Openside flanker: glory boy often with psychotic tendencies. Will spend a lot of time in A&E but when present can carry a team. Often unpopular, or young, or both.

8. Number 8: big bastereaud, talks a good game and describes himself as a footballer. Often vain, sometimes scruffy, generally can't hold their drink and have weird hobbies or jobs. Handy in a scuffle but best avoided socially.

Can you believe Gordon Taylor of the PFA who earns £2m a year has refused point blank to take a pay cut at this moment in time and is one who supports the idea a pay cut for top flight footballers would harm the NHS. He believes those top flight footballers who have the most amazing tax avoidance schemes would as a result pay less tax thus harming the NHS.

OK Mr Taylor here's an idea: instead of a 30% pay cut why don't they simply every week give just 10% of their earnings after tax directly to the NHS as a charitable donation. Let me see, say just 20 players on say £50k a week giving 10% for 52 weeks would be £5.2m. That is a lot of extra nurses me thinks.

Now before Paddy O'Fez writes to me saying: "WHAT ABOUT THE BANKERS", they could do the same. I do worry about O'Fez. When it comes to bankers he seems to have an affliction which is a cross between a phobia and tourettes: "I hate those ffffnnn, b'stard bankers"

That'll do as I am desperate for more uplifting news on how men in their 50's and 60's even without serious health issues are quite clearly in the firing line of Covid-19. Truly worrying and very depressing. Thank you SKY News, BBC News and Channel 4. It is so bad I have started to read the Daily Star to see how Elvis is getting on riding Shergar.

Here is today's double-entendre.
5. US PGA Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie is playing so well is that before each tee shot his wife takes out his balls and kisses them".

Tuesday 7th April: 08:30

Did you hear about the kangaroo planning to tour London when this Covid-19 crisis is over. He has already booked his seat on the hop on, hop off bus.

Unlike yesterday let me get straight into the rugby news. Thank you to The Bard, Graysey and Paddy O'Fez for bringing to my attention articles in The Times, Torygraph and The Guardian.

Firstly The Times and Stuart Barnes. The gist of his article is something I wholeheartedly agree with and that is The RFU has a once in a lifetime opportunity to reset and reshape the game. Although the RFU will be c.£50m in the red when this is all over it is likely to be more resilient to that challenge than the clubs who have been debt for many years. The RFU could therefore regain control of the game at the top flight of English rugby. Where I think Stuart is wrong is he is looking to reshape the English model by having four top flight regions a la the Irish game with centrally contracted players. I cannot see the clubs buying into this and I feel that boat sailed a long time ago. He is absolutely right though this window of opportunity will close and if The RFU hasn't grasped the moment, especially with CVC lurking in the wings, then all will be lost.

Stuart mentions in his article how part of the problem for the game is the simple fact players wages account for too great a percentage of club turnover, and I will add that wage inflation is getting out of control.

Brian Moore builds on this thought by highlighting what I have "bleated" on about for sometime in that below the top flight where money will be the cause of collapse of one or two or three of the top flight it is also killing the grassroots game. Much as Stuart alluded to it Moore is making the same point: The RFU have an opportunity to reset the game at grassroots level too. Clubs are committing a slow and painful suicide by chasing the dream and encumbering themselves with debt due to the payment of players. Clubs are losing their identity and the very essence of our great game is being lost. He asks the question how much difference does it make playing in Yorkshire 1 or North East 1. Those with ambition are blind to the impact they have on the clubs around them, and like much in today's world*, couldn't give a damn as it is me, me, me. The time is right for change.

Moore makes the same point as I have made and that is club's below level 3 should not pay players and I would go as far as to say levels 2 & 3 should at best be semi-pro. He also makes the excellent point that clubs who can afford to pay players should not be given any assistance under The RFU's bail-out scheme. Harsh but ultimately right. He also makes the point that many of the issues are caused by businessmen with big pots of gold and even bigger egos fuelling the problem. It could be that some of them are feeling the pinch the same as us mere mortals so change could be on the cards.

Finally as part of any shake up looking at leagues and league structures makes sense. Our excellent league administrator one Peter Sealey makes the very simple but effective point by asking why do Pulborough have to travel 196 miles to play Folkestone, when on their doorstep they have Leatherhead and Portsmouth. Similarly as you go down the leagues why are clubs constrained by bureaucracy?

The final article discusses the ambitious Bernard Laporte's vision for a global club competition under the auspices of World Rugby. 20 teams in a once a year competition structured like the World Cup with pools and seeds. It would replace the European Champions Cup and include one team from the USA and one from Japan. Unlike the articles by Barnesy and Moore which are about the long term future of the game this is about money. As a consequence I feel that is the big flaw in the idea: common sense and a grasp of reality has gone out of the window.

There is also one enormous hurdle which Bruce Craig, the big pockets, big ego of Bath has instantly stated, and that is as a club competition it should be controlled by the clubs and not World Rugby. Roughly translated as "if there is money to be had then we want it." I also think the sheer geography, cost and logistics of this would make it untenable. Right now the ARU has no TV contract, BT and SKY are scaling back so what would make a 6 week tournament attractive enough for the TV rights to cover the costs. The proposal also doesn't make mention of the 37 clubs in the Premiership, Top 14, Pro 14 and Super Rugby who WOULD NOT be involved and thus would be missing out on any financial benefit coming out of this idea. My final point is this idea is in direct contrast to World Rugby's goal of making the international game sustainable. In fact it would strengthen the club's argument of doing away with international rugby: the life line for the grassroots game.

In all of these articles I would add that money is the issue but too many will see money as the solution. It isn't in my mind but for those who do CVC is waiting like a vulture ready to pick over the carcass. When that happens the slow death of our game might be accelerated with only winner being the gamblers behind CVC.

* during this virus crisis thank goodness we are seeing many more acts of human kindness.

I'll do more player positions tomorrow but today's double-entendre is
4. Harry Carpenter at the 1977 Boat Race: "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President kissing the cox of the Oxford crew"

Finally, forget politics, this virus thing really hits home when the PM is taken into ICU. We must follow the guidelines and keep safe.

Monday 5th April: 09:10

My granddaughter told me yesterday that she had seen two blackbirds in the garden and they were stuck together.
She reckons they must have been vel crows.

I have trawled through the papers, both the serious pages and the sports pages and found nothing to brighten the mood. The virus quite rightly dominates but it is hard to read at the best of times but when you discover one of your own is in hospital it makes it even harder.

The club's Ambassador, Friday Club member and thoroughly top bloke John Wilmshurst is in Pembury battling against it. Thankfully he is on a normal respiratory ward. As we all worry about what is going to happen next please spare a thought for John and Maureen and in your own way say a prayer for a full recovery. Please don't bombard the family with messages. They know how we feel about John and know we will be there when needed.

As I prepared lunch yesterday I struggled again with my lack of understanding about testing for the virus. I had read about the terrible situation where a number of people in one care home had passed away in a short space of time. The article berated the fact the staff had not been tested. I could see their argument and to a degree it made sense. If they had been tested any infected staff could have been isolated. That seemed to be the way forward, that was until I realised two things, firstly if a member of staff was found to have the virus would it be already too late, and secondly I kept circling back to the point that the "all clear" was only relevant for that moment in time.

When I say I am struggling with this it doesn't mean my mental health is going to suffer but I genuinely want to understand what the true benefit of mass testing is unless everyone of us is tested at the same time.

If that could be done then those infected could stay at the holiday home of the disgraced Scottish Chief Medical adviser. It is not the hypocrisy of Dr Catherine Calderwood that annoyed me it is the unbridled arrogance of the women. Who the heck does she think she is? Nobody, no matter how rich or important is above the law. It comes as no surprise idiots are ignoring the guidelines about lockdown when the very people setting the guidelines think they are holier than though and can ignore them. Saying she made a mistake is bullshit. She knew exactly what she was doing and for me the fact Wee Jimmie Sturgeon wanted to keep her on makes the megalomaniacal Sturgeon look the fool too.

Congratulations to Sir Kier Starmer, the new leader of the Labour Party. Let's hope we now have a decent opposition who keeps the government in check in the right way. It will be sad to see Comrade Corbynov and his Stalinist stasi disappear.......... it was great material for this drivel........ but I for one won't miss his Soviet style ramblings for one second. It is a shame that Starmer has stated he is going to be positive but then in the next breath launched into a long list of reasons why the Governments handling of the virus is wrong. Easy for you Sir Knight but let's have a few practical alternatives to balance the picture.

His deputy will be Angela Rayner, she was good in Bedknobs and Broomsticks. No, that was Angela Lansbury. Dear Angela has made a very good point that not everyone lives in a big house with a garden like Sir Knight. Those who live in apartments must be allowed to get out into the parks and exercise. Dear Angela, I 100% agree with you, but having a picnic whilst sunbathing is not exercise.

Sorry! I forgot. This is a rugby website. Some clubs are up in arms because they won't get help from The RFU during this crisis. There is a piece about this in the Daily Fail. Peterborough RFC have been told because their return declaring their amateur status was a day late they will miss out. The paper argues this is harsh. In some respects it is but to be fair to the RFU clubs weren't given 5 minutes to submit returns they were given months. I will leave you to decide the merits of this but if you arrive one minute late at the station and your train has left then that is your fault n'est ce pas (just practicing as Grandson's French lesson is at 10:30)

In the same paper Sir Knowitall makes some very good points about what seems a knee jerk reaction in reappointing King Eddie until November 2023. I agree, I don't think there was enough due diligence done and England are now stuck with him on a massive contract.

It is truly frightening to see Wales training base and the Principality being prepared for more Covid-19 victims and to read the RFU have offered Twickenham if required.

Breakfast beckons so here are the locks
4. Lock: big hard lad who thinks he's the enforcer. Police describe him as a hooligan. Wears shorts and flip flops all year round, lives with his mum

5. Lock: giraffe, looks funny when he runs. Long arms useful in the bar, takes up too much space. Often very fit and yet last to arrive at the breakdown

and today's double-entendre
3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "and this is Gregoriova from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing".

Saturday 4th April: 09:00

Today's photo is one for the kids.

Yet again I was wrong, the final tables were announced yesterday. Let's take a look shall we?

As expected Haywards Heath have been promoted from London 2 SE. They have been the form team and deserve the leg up. I am sure they will dedicate the success to Alan Jenkins. Maidstone have been doomed to relegation for some time. They will be joined by Dover. We finish in a very, very creditable 5th place. I think it is fair to say that if the season had been completed with us due to play both Maidstone and Dover at home 5th place was likely to be the position we would have finished. A huge well done to the boys at Steel Cross. Old Colfeians would have been in the play-off but miss out.

Crawley are promoted from Sussex 1. I don't think anyone could complain about that. They will be replaced by Uckfield who very sadly despite finishing in 10th spot in London 3 SE are relegated. I feel for our friends at Uckfield, especially Gordon B and his team. They have worked so hard to get their club up into the London leagues so relegation will hurt. No change for The Greenies or Pulborough as it is Ashford and Folkestone coming up. Park House and Old Willies are the others relegated.

Above us in London 1 South Horsham and Chichester are safe in mid table. Havant and Westcombe Park are up. HAC, Dartfordians and Beckenham are down. It will be interesting to see who joins our league.

In the Premier league all three of our closest clubs; T Wells, The Oaks and Brighton, stay in this league. Rochford Hundred and Guernsey go up. As expected Guildford are down joined by Bedford Athletic and L. Irish Wild Geese.

Congratulations to TJs as their promotion to National 1 is confirmed. They swap places with Canterbury who are relegated, interestingly along with Rotherham. Rotherham a perfect example of what happens when the money runs out: down, down, deeper and down. Well done to Richmond, the model for running a club without having to sell your soul to the devil, on their promotion back to the Championship.

For the sake of completeness Salisbury are relegated after their dire season. Bridgnorth finish mid-table and a "hoorah" for Twickenham RFC as they remain in London 2 SW.

Next week I might touch on the challenges some of the clubs mentioned above might face next season.

Let me complete the description of the front rows
2. Hooker: short fat lad with endless capacity for cheap booze and fascinated by women miles out of his league. Believes he has rugby nous and is an athlete.

3. Tight head prop: fat lad who believes he's technically a good player with good hands. Everyone else thinks he just gets in the way. Does weights, no-one notices.

I am please to say despite the lockdown, the time difference and Homeland Security monitoring all calls I got through to Yogi Bear for a comment on the move by the Chinese government to allow the use of bear bile in the fight against Covid-19. He said "unlike you Brits who made Off Licences an essential retail outlet I rushed down to the gun store and panic bought another M-16 automatic rifle, a couple of Mausers and I also managed to get an AK47 for Boo-boo. I'm ready. If those yello........ " I had to cut the call there as the expletive laden rant against the Chinese was too much to cope with. Boo-boo was unavailable for comment as he was busy writing Donald Trumps next speech on the subject of Covid-19. (That'll be an improvement at least).

This thing about the bear bile must be true, it was on BBC. Basically bear bile is produced in the liver and stored in the gall bladder. It is mixed with goat horn and herbs and is known as Tan Re Qing and is injected into the patient. Heaven help us is what I say.

The BBC, no fake news from them, just level headed facts without any hype or exaggeration. Last night for example the breaking news was "the nation is shocked by the tragic news that a 90 year old man suffering from a range of chronic health problems dies in a care home from Covid-19. The Government should be ashamed. This gentleman had at least another four weeks to live but his life was so tragically cut short due to their incompetence".

Yeah, no fake news here.

Today's double-entendre....
2. New Zealand rugby commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside him"

Have a great weekend. Don't go to the beach, stay at home. Back on Monday.